YES, we know we're getting the short end of the stick, and we know better than anyone that our children are the ones paying for the irresponsibility of a parent not living up to their end of the deal... but how do we even get started in taking on the challenge of holding them accountable? The court system can be overwhelming to say the least... but YOU CAN take it on with a measurable level of success (I'll try not to use the word win... because if you've been in court much, no one wins!)
I have a few ground rules that I hold myself to... of course I'm going to share them with you, that's why we're here!
Rule #1: Emotions out... Business in. NOTHING gets us more worked up as parents than anyone or anything that hurts our children. Whether you are fighting for child support, medical insurance, educational reimbursement or custody... you are feeling pretty damn emotional! But to make this process really work for you... turn it into a business and try to save the emotions for a more appropriate time (refer to Rule #2 on this one). This is my motto when I'm on my way to court..
If she talks like a lawyer, dresses like a lawyer, stays calm and collected like a lawyer... hmmm, maybe I should respect her like she's a lawyer. :) My point- dress and act the part. This is the first step in being able to present your case to a judge in a professional manner, and trust me, they don't exactly look forward to emotional outbursts, unprepared plaintiffs and people spewing out stories that aren't based on facts and their impact on the law.
Rule #2: Keep the kids out of it! Not for one second will I pretend to be flawless at this rule myself, but I do try! This goes right back to Rule #1... keep the emotions out and treat this upcoming court case as you would your next project at work. Maybe you'll feel it necessary to give your children basic information, based on their age and understanding (example: Joey, I just want you to know that I am going to ask the Judge to make your dad pay off some outstanding money he owes me for medical bills. I'm not trying to hurt your dad, just trying to make sure I have enough money coming in to take care of you the best we can.) Although I know you want to share every little detail about how much he owes you, what a dirtbag he is, how difficult he's making your life, how unfair it all is and how you've paid all these bills and he never pays you back... my best advice... take the dog for a walk and tell her all about it! If you really need some feedback, call a friend, or a sibling, maybe even your mom. I don't know what I'd do without my cellphone and my wonderful sisters, who let me vent EVERY TIME I'm on my way to and from court! If you need to... send me an email, I'll listen to you!
Rule #3: Be Rational and Objective. Here's what I mean by this, lets say your ex is working at KFC making $8/hour. He's paying you $50 a week for your 1 child. Wow, that really sucks for you (and for him I imagine). $50 a week isn't much to raise a child on, you want more! But try as you may, you can't get more if it's not there to get. He's meeting his 20% net income requirement and hopefully he's working to move on to bigger and better things! Now if he had a great job, but left it to fry chicken so he wouldn't have to pay you as much money... game on! Look at your situation as objectively as possible... always. Know the facts of your financial situation and his (I'll tell you how to do this later too), know what you are entitled to and don't waste your time trying to collect the impossible. This is one of the most frustrating lessons to learn, because so often the law just appears to penalize the crap out of the custodial parent and gives all the flexibility in the world to the parent we are trying to collect from!
Patience my pretty... while we can't squeeze blood from a turnip, we can do our best to collect what we do have coming; child support, medical expense reimbursement, health insurance premiums, education expenses, college tuition, sports fees and extra-cirricular costs. Our children deserve the support of BOTH of their parents in creating desirable opportunities and the best care possible!
